ignorance is your new best friend.

don't even like paramore buuuuuh, you know.

Yeah basically, that's the worst thing you could ever do to me or in my presence. Ignorance is not fun.

I swear, I am the most passive-aggressive person ever ever ever, and if you piss me off, I'll bitch about it and not do anything about it, or if you're my brother, I'll do little things to you to get on your nerves and never confront you.

By the way, I keep forgetting that a few people read this and end up ranting on about boring stuff, so I apologise.

Anywayyy, moving away from selfish little tossers, I currently have a vacancy for a new friend.

Guidelines are:

• must be moderately decent-looking, and if you're male, either gay or not interested in me. 
• not interested in relationships with anybody, as that is time-wasting and I will just get ditched constantly.
• available for me to bitch to/cry with/shop with/and gossip with AT ALL TIMES.
• at least vaguely intelligent, I'm pretty sick of talking to people who are barely above amoebas on the evolutionary scale. and if you had to look up amoeba on dictionary.com, don't even bother.
• you need to have at least a small bitchy side to you, and a decent sense of humour, because you'll need it.
• you have to understand that even if my jokes aren't funny, you should laugh anyway cos my feelings get hurt easily ;)
• you need to be able to put up with a little chubby redhead who tells bad jokes and gets angry easily.

I swear I'm not high-maintenance.

I might make up a poster and put it around college. And get pictures of people who have pissed me off at some point and put a massive cross through their faces so they know not to try again.
I reckon people would respond positively, I mean, at least I am honest.

Let me know if you reckon you're good enough ;)

OH AND ALSO

shout out to my first actual fan (:

how excited am i?

hello sophie

tell you what mate, she looks too cool to listen to my witterings, bad times.

her blog's pretty good if you like inspirational type writings and pictures of pretty girls.

update x2

I have eaten so much I think I am going to vomit. And my smoke alarm battery has gone so it keeps beeping.
Shut up smoke alarm.

So I decided to go along with the whole stalker boy thing, and I'm seeing him this weekend.
Just awkward as really, cos his sister used to be my friend and she's in one of my classes and I feel so weird around her like she's judging me for playing her brother.

But free meal + cinema, then we're going for a drink apparently. So it's all good.

It's my birthday soon, going from sweet sixteen to sexy seventeen. (just joking, imagine me like this and it's about the mark). I need plans for something to do, I have no money and I want to do something lots of my friends can do, so I can't go out drinking :(

I've been so boring recently, literally nothing is going on in my life.

So it's Christmas in 16 days or something. And I haven't started my christmas shopping yet. Well, I don't know where I'm going to get my money from, considering my parents are rich bastards and I don't get EMA or pocket money and I'm unemployed. So I might have to resort to prostitution, no jokes.

Oh god, since I wrote this, stalker boy has signed onto msn and started talking to me
"Why didn't you text me?"
"I forgot"
"Ohh, at least you're honest"
"lol"

Most normal people would have got the point by now, but no, not stalker boy. He carries on, relentless.

FML FML FML

Over and out (:


ps. sorry for the depressing shit, I promise I'll make next blog full of sunshine and rainbows and lots and lots of sex, drugs and rock n roll.

minor updates + ting.

Celibacy counters have been reset.

By lovely Daniel, who still has a girlfriend, FYI.

I also appear to have developed a stalker in a long-forgotten ex.
It's pretty scary, and I'm sure it is grounds for a restraining order.

College is getting really intense and pretty scary, which really doesn't fit in with the whole winter wonderland environment they're trying to get across.
3 dreaded words: JANUARY. MODULE. EXAMS.

Anyway, the main thing in my life right now is trying to keep the peace between everyone, just call me Mother Theresa. Nobody is getting along with anyone and it's driving me MENTAL.

Just random updates on nothing interesting, sorry. Just thought I would update, but it's revision time now!

):

STALKERS

Seriously not cool.

I spend most of my life complaining that I don't have a man, and the rest complaining about the men who want me.


things that have made me laugh out loud in the last half hour

auto complete me
MLIA

that's all.

Injections and celibacy.

So, the HPV vaccine really hurts.
And mine has to be the one which swells up giving me a deformed looking arm.
I always hear these horror stories about vaccinations right before I get one, and I reckon that the worry makes me tense up my arm. Because  I swear, it always goes wrong for me.

At least I'm not the loser who faints every time.

It's like, I want to give blood. But I don't even know what blood group I am, and I think I have anaemia. But I am literally dying (excuse the pun ;) unintentional clearly) to do it.
It's the only reason I'm looking forward to my 17th birthday, I don't even care about driving or that shit.
It's all gravy.

Anyway, moving on.
I have decided that I am going to remain celibate until I find a nice man. I think that I'll update my blog regularly to let the general public know about my failed attempts.
I mean, it's been so long (5 weeks), I have pretty much regrown my hymen anyway, so it should be a fun experiment.

I found this guy on Platform, known only as secret diary boy, and feel pretty cheated because now I feel a bit unoriginal, even though I've been writing this for nearly a year.
He's also a lot funnier than me, but other than that appears to be the exact mirror image of me.
Look him up, it's a decent read.

Alright, over and out, I want a sleep.

I am a party animal.

Tonight I had my usual Friday night of

• drink with the best friend
• watch trashy TV
• sing along to the music channels

I miss the times when we actually went out.

I liked dressing up and flirting with doormen to get in underage.
And I miss parties where I got off my face and had lots of sex.

I think I'm turning into an old lady, I only have the one drink now and I'm home by midnight.

I am a party animal.

I really wish I was asian

Asian people are so nice looking.

Trust me to be born into a completely English family.
Oh no, wait, I am a sixteenth Irish.
Brill.

So basically all this blog is going to do is try and add a bit of a face to my blog without, you know, revealing my face.
So I'm classic English rose, short, bit tubby, red hair, freckles, big smile.
I am a real woman ;) tits and hips baby.

About the same colour as a piece of paper.
In the sun I am the same colour as a red piece of paper.
With brown dots on it.
;)

Sometimes I think I'm pretty but sometimes I wonder how anybody as ugly as me doesn't get things thrown at her in the street.
I have balloons for breasts. And not those disgusting shrivelled balloons either, I'm not 80.

I am usually always smiling and a lot of the time I'm dancing (:

Anyway, I'll put some action in this...so

Complaining time

All my friends are ditching me for men.
It is not even slightly good.
I hate everyone.

All this would be avoided if I threw acid in all of my friends' faces, sort of like an initiation ritual.
Now that is a plan.

love life? pfft.

Instead of doing anything constructive, I've decided to come and write another fascinating blog about my life.

I think, that as a teenage girl, I should write a blog about my love life, because then I might make myself seem a little bit more like a teenage girl.

So my love life right now consists of (I will change names to hide identities)

Elliot
This is my ex-boyfriend, he cheated on me with another girl for 6 months, and they are still together. She is fat and really clingy (I promise I'm not jealous). They've been together for nearly a year and a half (that's right folks, I've been single for nearly a year...but wait, I hear you ask, you said you haven't had a boyfriend since you were 14, well, I might have lied. and not really counted this one).
He is the only guy I have actually ever cared for, but it's cool, we're now, ahem, 'friends'. Friends in this case means whenever he is drunk or horny or if he argues with fatty, he calls me and tells me that he has always loved me, and he thinks we should get back together because he's 'grown up and it will work now, I promise'. I usually reply with 'let's have this discussion in the morning when you're sober and it's not 3 AM'. We have yet to have the morning discussion.
Just last week, he was begging to see me again, and offered to skip college to come sleep at my house for a few nights. I politely declined, I really can't afford to miss any more college, considering my grades are already slipping.
In conclusion, this is a very lovely boy who turns my knees to jelly whenever I talk to him. Yeah, I'm actually a normal teenage girl, who'd've thunk it?

Josh
I swear I'm having so much fun making up names :)

Anyway, Josh. This is a guy I have gotten really into recently...
He's bad news. Mainly because he's my ex-best friend's ex.
And it's not even like me and her argued, we just drifted.
But the biggest problem with him is the fact I stalk him.
I cannot be content with talking to him every so often, and I can't do the whole play-it-cool thing.
I want to talk to him every second of everyday.
I think I creeped him out.
And he's heard so many rumours about my past, and most of them are true.
I am a wild wild woman.
Such is life.

He is beautiful though.

Daniel

He used to be the one I could rely on if I needed someone, he used to be my best friend.
All that got ruined the day I decided to sleep with him, and it's been downhill since then.
All we ever do is have sex. And then he won't call or text until he wants it again. In the last two years, I've only seen him once and not had sex with him, and all the other times, I've gone along like some little lamb.
He sort of makes me quite happy when I am with him, for all his 'hard man' persona, he's pretty clever and insightful.

But don't tell him I said that.

I wrote this thing about a month ago and never posted it, I don't know why.
All that's happened is Daniel's now in a relationship and won't talk to me anymore. I am truly gutted. Seriously.

So I got bored of posting

and deleted all my other posts except one.
What you gonna do about it?

Not a lot has happened in the last few months of my life, except I started college, which I guess is pretty good, and I've finally met this guy my mother is trying to set me up with. He's cute, but, you know, I'm not really that desperate yet.

So my little venture into college life so far has been pretty interesting. I won't shame anybody by mentioning the name of the college or any names of the people but so far I have noticed the following things;

• girls who have blobs of orange in random parts of their chin. I'm not talking the usual tangoed girls who have orange faces, I'm talking just random bright orange patches of skin. Am I missing something? I mean, I am aware I'm not exactly the most up-to-date stylish person, my wardrobe consists of tits, legs, tits and legs, and I-can-see-what-you-had-for-dinner, but did they all have a big style conference where this was agreed on as being sexy?

• the 'asian' corner. not wanting to be racist, of course, but IT IS FUCKING INTIMIDATING. It's right by the vending machines and the shop and me being a silly white bitch, I get filthy looks when I go to buy my quavers and my rubicon.

• the blonde girls with ratty extensions who never seem to have lessons and just stand outside, rain or shine, smoking. All I have to say is, sexy.

• The amount of gay people who go there is actually incredible. I mean, I'm no homophobe, I'm on the verge of being a fag hag, with extremely camp men feeling me up and telling me I am 'fabulous', but it's actually pretty depressing how few straight guys there are, I mean, it's hard enough for me to find a man without all these obstacles...

•  The fat girls who don't know they're fat. Today this girl was walking around in these tiny floral shorts and she was actually wobbling. Orange peel thighs and all. Not nice.

• How many of my exes/random guys I've been with go there. It's shameful and it also means I have to look perfect all of the time so that they don't think to themselves 'god she's let herself go since me' or 'how could I have ever had anything to do with that?'

• nobody can talk. everyone ends their sentences with 'yeah' and says 'like' even more times than I do. Already my lovely posh accent is disappearing :(

• nobody can spell. I know my grammar and punctuation on this thing isn't perfect but at least I can actually spell and type. One of the things that annoys me most is when people can't spell or use incorrect grammar.

 I am aware of how much of a snob this blog makes me.
But fuck, college is weird.

being pimped out by my mother

My mother chose today to put into action phase 1 of pimping me out to some random 18 year old student. He apparently has a crush on me. I'm not too sure how, when I'm pretty sure I have never met the guy. But. it's nice to be appreciated.

My mother told me to get dressed up and do my hair and makeup because he was helping my dad out. I remained in a hoody, no bra, trackies with a hand-sized hole in the crotch, no makeup, and scraped back hair, eating a chocolate orange bar and drinking endless cups of tea. Needless to say, I don't think I'm gonna be dating this guy anytime soon.

Why is it that parents feel this overpowering need to interfer with their childrens' lives? I almost get the feeling I'm going to end up being 'helped out' by my mother in the relationships department until I'm about 50. I DON'T DO ANYTHING, I AM TOO FUCKING LAZY, THAT IS WHY I HAVE NOT HAD A BOYFRIEND SINCE I WAS 14. The fact I don't exactly make myself hard to get may also play a small part in it. The fact is, I'm far too boring and weird to have a boyfriend. I'm not that bad looking and I guess I can be pretty funny sometimes, but I am socially retarded. I don't think guys like feisty, moody, and extra clingy girls, and I'm not really looking for a relationship, just a bit of fun to remind me I am not the most ugly thing to ever grace this planet.

Positive proof that the youth of today are hopeless, that's me.